Act 1, Scene 12

It's been a few days since I've been on here and realized that I should probably give an update.

This past 2 weeks have been...Well? Interesting. I found myself skipping class all not last week but the week before and then didn't go tuesday of this last week. It's not that I don't want to go to class I just don't have the motivation. It kills me that I'm almost 23 and I still lack the motivation that we as human beings should be able to develop in our lives.

My alarm goes off and I just wanna lay in bed all day and do nothing...Nothing at all except for snuggle up or do the dirty....But that rarely happens. *Laughs*

*Some of this may be repeats from the last entry just felt I should explain a little bit*

Thankfully I had this whole last week off. We closed the shop for remodeling and so I was there till 3 in the morning on saturday night but had all week off.

Monday I got tattooed it looks awesome but seriously? SHIT FUCKING HURT! I hate layering colors with 5 or 6 different times over the same area of skin I was done after about 2 and half hours. I wasn't happy about it but I just couldn't hang.

the rest of the week I spent a lot of time with Joe and Crozz which was nice it's been cool to kick it with those guys a lot more. It's funny because I use to look up to them when we were all apart of the scene and now we're all on the same level and come to find out I'm the oldest one in our band but I look 10 years younger than all of them. I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO GROW A BEARD. I hate looking like I'm 12.

So the other night I get a text from a buddy telling me that my mom sent him a message on myspace so he forwarded it to me.

"APPLE OR JUSTIN IS MY SON@DOESNT CARE IF I LIVE OR DIE. DOESNT NO2DAY IS MY 40TH BDAY@WONT COME2MY WEDDING CUZ HE DRINKS LIKE I DID4PAIN MENTAL@PHYSICAL. HES BEEN TOLD LIES ALL HIS LIFE. I CALLED EVERY DAY MY DAD TOLD ME2NEVER CALL AGAIN BUT I DID. I DIDNT TRY2KILL MYSELF WHEN HIT BY CAR I BLACKED OUT FROM PAXIL 4DEPRESSION CUZ I DIDNT NO MY RIGHTS THEY WERE KIDNAPPED@I DIDNT NO THAT THEN OR HOW ILLEGAL TAKIN MY RIGHT2C MY KIDS. U BETTER LET HIM NO MY WEDDING IS N HIS GRANDPARENTS HOUSE@I NEED HIS APPROVAL OF FIANCE OR I CANT MARRY HIM@I WONT B W THEM. A BEER@GIVE RESULTS2HIS SISTER. HE HAS TILL JUNE2DECIDE2MEET HIM UNLESS MY MOM GETS WORSE. I WANT MY PARENTS2C ME GET MARRIED. I LUV MY SON@MISS THE BEST FRIEND I EVER HAD BUT IM SURE U NO THIS. WE WOULD LOVE4HIM2PLAY N OUR 3 DIFFERENT BANDS WERE IN@WILL B PLAYIN EVERYWHERE.
APPLES MOM"

Then I get a text from her, somehow she got my number? What the fuck!

"I NO JADE CAN B A PAIN IN THE ASS@A BITCH BUT SHE IS UR SISTER. U WERE THE 1ST2C HER DARK HAIR WHEN SHE WAS BEING BORN. U WERE THE ONLY 1 THAT I WANTED W ME. U R GONNA MAKE A GREAT FATHER SOMEDAY. U HELD MY HAND 4 10 MONTHS. I NO U HATE ME BUT PLEASE TALK2HER IN2 COMING2STAY W ME. SHE SLEPT N A TENT LAST@WONT FUCK4EXTRA CASH THATS WHY SHE QUIT THE 1444 CLUB. SHES NOT USING DOPE OR SHD DO ANY1. U DONT NO THIS BUT WHEN JADE WAS A BABY I GOT MIXD UP W THE CRIPS BUT THEY WERE PIMPS@GOT ALONG W THE BLOODS. I TOLD THEM ID RATHER B ON WELFARE@EVEN IF I DID NO PIMP WOULD MAKE A DIME. I HELPD WHORES GET OUT. I GAND ALL THERE REPECT. THERE OUT OF THE PIMP GAME BUT CAN HELP JADE CUZ MOST DANCERS HAV A PIMP. THERE NAMES R HENRY@HAROLD JONES. THEY'LL DO ANYTHING4ME, IM FAMILY. I NEED 1ORBOTH PHONE#S4 PROTECTION UNLESS U CAN GET HER2COME DOWN HERE@IF U EVER GET DESPERATE UR ALWAYS WELCOME 4EVER."

I just can't justify her sanity. I mean seriously? what the fuck?

Anyways tonight Crozz, Bryce and myself drove up to Portland to see The Album Leaf. They're an amazing band from San Diego, their set just blew me away it was phenomenal the opening bands were good as well Amonie Bell and Black Mamba really great sets. The only thing that bothered me is when TAL went on everybody moved up and I've got fucking tiny dancer in front of me and he keeps steppin on my shoes and getting his fro all up in my grill. Then I've got the bitch with the clap, clapping really loud next to my left ear and considering my right one is muted from this cold congestion shit...It was twice as loud. Then I got fucking thug mcnasty comin in to fucking take up our space...He stood between us and tiny dancer...not much space...The nerve of some people.






But Now It's off to slumber I made it home in one piece through the death fog from Portland home.

Long day...

Act 1, Scene 11

So these past couple of days have been weird. Lots of change happening all around.

Hanging out with people I haven't really kicked it with in awhile for one reason or another. Tearing the shop apart for the remodel. Dealing with angry people. Now I'm livin it up for a bit considering I have a few days off!

Tomorrow I'm getting massaged, then paying bills and cleaning house, after that I'm getting more work done on my arm pretty stoked on that.

Hopefully tuesday we can have practice after school.

Wednesday TBD.

Thursday School

Friday bring everything back into the shop.

Pretty eventful week pretty stoked on it.

Not much else to say. I'm out

Act 1, Scene 10

So It seems as though things get rough just to get picked back up.

So just when I think everything is going downhill I receive my W-2's and my grandmother god rest her soul is still willing to do my taxes for me. The ol' bat is still out living life to the fullest crazy lady I tell ya. But good for her I'm glad to see she's truckin along like it's nothing, cause lord knows I'm scared as fuck for her. Then I got an email telling me that my financial aid money went into my account so what did i do? Retail therapy got rid of my god damn sidekick and got my G1 such an amazing little gadget I tell ya. So that solves my insurance being shut off, my car payment being behind and I still have money in the bank and a ton in financial aid left over. Then I'll get my taxes and I should be good. Now I have money to go to the doctor, get glasses, and still have some saved up for a deposit on a new apartment whenever that happens or if I happen to get stuck, now I just need to see the debt consolidator or find one for that matter so I can get rid of this credit card debt.

I also ventured out this evening and went to the bar. I had a coke, and although I'm not drinking soda either I think it was o.k. to splurg because today was a good day. Everyone was a pretty good sport about me not drinking. The bartenders who are use to me ordering heiniken after heiniken and shot after shot of Jamesons were stunned when I had a coke and no whiskey to back it, but still no grief about it.

Also Missy came over and cuddled with me which is nice. We're very similar we just want to snuggle not be in a relationship with each other but snuggle and watch movies and fall asleep. It's rather cozy you might say. But it's still not enough to satisfy my desire to find a "Girlfriend" *Laughs*

Things are slowly working in my favor and we close the shop for a week for remodel it's about fucking time that shop looks like shit and now it'll look as Ben put it, "It's gonna be pretty tits". Gotta love it.

Well Off to sleep work in the morn!

Act 1, Scene 9 "The Little Things"

So I'm sitting at a stop light waiting to figure out which direction I should go. This annoying hagred ol bitch won't stop smackin her gum and clicking her jaw, while talking to me about what nostril screw she wants. It's 3pm I've been at work since 10:20am and haven't had a break besides to nibble at my donut. This girl keeps standing over by the register extra sketchy looking nobody wants to sit down and everybody is driving me fucking nuts and that ol' crazy coot is still smackin that god forsaken gum and the clicking of her jaw is like a piercing snare drum. The light is about to turn green and I have a choice unleash my rage on the ol' coot or bite my tongue and taste the iron in my mouth. Light is green and blood never tasted so bad.

You know those days where you just wanna rip everyones fucking head off. I don't mean like metaphorically? I mean like literally unleash your rage and just full force lean forward lay your paws on their dome bury your claws and pull.

Scene 8 Just goes to show that people do not think about the affect that their actions play on another individual.

No I don't have 3 hours to sit here and talk about what color the fucking nostril screw is. LOOK AT IT, IT'S LIGHT GREEN WHY DO I HAVE TO REPEAT WHAT YOU JUST TOLD ME. I have a full lobby and better things to do then to answer the same god damn questions to you 50 times in 5 minutes. Is it that hard to fathom that the god damn thing might be light green?

I understand you are uneducated and your to fucking lazy to research what your doing to your body. Or use the correct terminology but when I correct you don't look at me like I'm the asshole that doesn't know what I'm talking about....Go Fuck Yourself I get paid to do what I do because I know what I'm doing, while your flipping burgers I'm hustlin....ERRRRDAY I'M HUSTLIN.

Step back take a deep breath and AKRIGHT!!!!

I won't say today was horrible it was just one thing after another and I got frustrated as fuck. Now I did get a little present that made my day though.

One thing most people may not know is that I'm a closet stoner. Not even really a stoner really but I figured it wasn't as retarded as saying "I'm a pot smoker in the closet". Fuck that! *Laughs*

Anyway as I was saying closet stoner yes me. I don't smoke often but I dabble with a bowl of oregons finest from time to time. I however prefer it in an edible form and let me tell you in the past two weeks I have been given more goodies than santa on christmas eve. Last week "The Jew" brought me peanut butter cookies, This week "Ozone" brought us peanut butter cups and pastries I traded a pastry for a brownie that "Mel" made. Then tonight a regular of mine decides to show her appreciation for me with a whole fucking brick of weed butter that is green than the amazon forest. So Time to make treats.

Thats my little blurp on that I'll leave it alone from there. I will say though that writing clearly is so much easier and intense after a few puffs.

Well after my angry sprout and my drug talk *Laughs* I think it's time for bed the melatonin is kickin in.

Might I add that I hate it when ex-girlfriends are right. She gives me melatonin for christmas and I take 1 pill and it does nothing so I take 2 a night and it knocks me off my ass and I sleep like a baby. So she was right melatonin works. Fuck my life.

Act 1, Scene 8

The roles of thinking and how we feel and what we do in response. A high majority of people don't think they just do. When sometimes a good characteristic to have sometimes it can have an affect on even the smallest role in your life. We continue to speak before we think without knowing what affect it might have on the opposite person.

I am horrible when it comes to these actions but I continue to try and battle them. However I get lazy and stop caring and do what I please which aftermath continues to show is a horrible thing.

After so much time thinking that I'm on top of things I realize, no I'm not I'm lost just like everybody else in this world and I continue searching for something that isn't there anymore. Eventually it will come to us and fill us with the joy and understanding. Then again we may never find it if we keep searching for understanding. Maybe we were never meant to fully understand anything and it could be that not understanding our life situations is what understanding life is all about.

A story to help understand

A relationship takes 2 people to carry on and be what is considered a "Happy" relationship. It requires communication, trust, respect, "understanding" and most of all honesty. All relationships have their ups and downs and pot holes in the road will come with all relationship territory.

So when one person decides it's not working anymore, trust is gone, communication is gone and actions speak louder than words. That person may decide to kick rocks hit the ol' highway and move along. Now the other person in the passenger seat, you know the one who didn't realize their actions, their words and the lack of a thought process? Yeah that one. That person now confused and lost because of the loss of what they thought was real, and that something may have meant the world to them. This person is left on the side of the road hoping for something better. They're hurt they're dead inside, stomach may cringe at the thought of this past life that was lived. Standing on the side of the road someone decides to pick them up. but this person is not satisified, he moves on to the next available ride. Still unsatisfied after a multitude of rides but only finding themselves farther away from home than they were at the beginning. Unhappy, unsatisfied scared, empty and unable to feel whats real and whats not.

What I'm getting at is that we all act, we all speak, but sometimes it's the actions that we make that leave the images they keep. Sometimes we don't do the things we do because we chose to. We do them because we don't know what else to do. "Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil." Sometimes at points of troubled times we are to weak to fight temptation and then fall head first into a world we never thought could be so real. We eat sleep, fuck, drink, and smoke and enjoy ourselves and lose ourselves in the loss of the ones we still love dearly they may never know it or understand it however we will be there to remind them of the life you once had. We never leave and cloud your life with anger and nostalgic times and question every choice you made.


I'm nowhere near a perfect person, nor have I led a perfect life. I do know that I would not be who I am if I hadn't made every fucking mistake I've made so far. Life is a constant struggle and I know I'm not alone, we fall in the hole to climb out and show the world what we're made of, the more times we fall the stronger we can get....................

IF WE CLIMB BACK OUT!

If we don't we remain helpless, wasted, bitter, angry, and ya know what lets face it, nobody cares to help you anymore.

I've seen it I've been there, who knows I could fall down again, who knows if I'll be strong enough to get back up. when the time comes I guess I'll find out won't I?

I will never regret a god damn thing, this is the one promise I've never broken to myself. LIVE LIFE WITH NO REGRETS, AND HOPE FOR A BETTER TOMORROW.

We say things we don't mean,
We do things that shouldn't be done
We are human,

It's the curious nature in all of us. But without all the mistakes the curiousity, and supposed "Regrets" we wouldn't be who we are.

We may never get second chances at the things we desire, but maybe it's for the best.

Act 1, Scene 7

• First alarm goes off 8am, I sit up, think to myself fuck this...verbally say "Fuck this" fall back asleep.
• Second alarm goes off 8:45 I lay there stare at my pillow turn off the alarm and fall back asleep.
• Third alarm goes off 9am I sit up crawl out of bed take a piss shower and then do my morning shit.
• Fourth alarm goes off 9:35am I'm driving to school smoking my first cigarette of the day
• Fifth alarm goes off 9:55am I'm sitting in class getting ready for class to start dreading the day ahead.
• Sixth alarm goes off in my pocket during my teachers lecture

History of modern art most uncomfortable fucking desks ever made for midgets who way 33 pounds with a 2 inch waste.

We sit in the dark and look at slides the whole class period and I just wanna pass out every class we have.

After that I have Basic Design the study of 2D Art...I have to admit I love this class it's like being a kid again we've been taking construction paper cutting it into strips of paper and creating line drawings and such it's really fun

I showed up with my curved line piece already done and I thought my teacher was gonna shit his pants he was so shocked by my piece he showed it to everyone and then kept telling me that i was doing great work then I had a kid in my class come up and ask for help on his and everyone kept like watching was I was doing. It made me feel really good about my projects. I love working with black and white more than anything.

Then after class I went to talk to Ed McManus my Music Technology teacher to see if I could get into his class this term but he wasn't there but Alberto "The Guy" when it comes to anything involving the music department told me that he was gonna let me in even though the class was full because I've been in his class for so long so I just have to call him tomorrow which should bring me up to 12 credits!

Then the end of my school day involved me sitting in line for 2 hours to check up on the appealment of my financial aid. Which they're going to reinstate it but I have to fill out a form that pertains to the amount of credits I'm taking I guess they may stop paying for my schooling soon down the road....Thank god for Missy comin to kick it with me for like an hour and keeping me company.

Then I went and met up with Joe and Amelia and missy met up with us there and we kicked it for a bit. Joe and I took off shortly after to visit Crosby at Guitar Center and we jammed around for a bit. Downside to that is I know what I want to do for gear for our band. I found the perfect bass it's a Shecter Stilletto Elite and it's black with a maple neck that is a through body neck...So GORGEOUS!!! It plays smooth has great tone and the action tension and intonation are amazing on it. Price tag however...$750. Then I decided instead of buying a $1000 Rig. I'm gonna buy a 200w combo for around $400 made by acoustic bass rigs they're amazing. So I just need to sell my gear that I already have so I can buy that stuff or at least the bass.

I also found out that my friend Amanda wants to move out so we've been lookin for places she found a place that is a 2 bed 2 bath with utilities included not to mention free internet, yoga classes and gym for $450 a month I think it's too good to be true but we'll see hahaha

I also really want to go to canada, I'm crazy I know but I met a girl that seems really cool and it's also an excuse to get out of the country hahaha...

Anywho work in the morning time for bed!

But before I slumber I just found the ultimate bass the same that I played earlier but a 5-string in white quilted maple...SO HOT

Act 1, Scene 6

So Last night I didn't make a post, went and enjoyed some dinner with friends and then kidnapped Joe Me and Crozz felt like he might have needed a friend and well I had some "Specialty" baked goods = ). I only engage is this illegal activity on occasion and last night was pretty mellow and it was good times with good friend/band mates

So not much is going on as of lately but I did find out my car insurance is about to be canceled if I don't fork over some money to them soon, like $800 in monies...As much as I hate to say it, I'm fucked on that one unless I get my financial aid reinstated. It's funny to me though that I've saving money quite well and yet it's still no-where to be found.

Bills I still have to pay
-Rent $325
-Car payment for this month $250
-Car payment for last month $250
-Insurance from last month and this month and apparently the month before that? $810
-Speeding ticket payment $50
-Parking ticket $30
-Of course my credit cards but thats not happening! $4000

I've stopped drinking that should be saving money, I've been eating out a lot less, I've been staying at home so I'm not using much gas my last tank lasted me over 2 weeks and I still had an eighth of a tank left. BUT WHERE IN THE FUCK IS ALL THIS MONEY THAT I'M SAVING AT? I mean seriously what the fuck.

I can't afford to lose my insurance, nor my car, nor my place to live. I guess it kills me that even when I clean up my act things don't get any easier. Not only is all this happening but it's happening on top of me losing a day at work. I haven't come across any part time jobs that I could work with my schedule. Oh it's get better too I'm having a hard time visually focusing on anything lately because I still haven't had money to go to an eye doctor. I have glasses that I wear but they give me a headache and make my eyes hurt after a certain amount of time and so I don't wear them as often as I should. Even though I have full health insurance I still don't have the $40 for an eye exam and new glasses it's fucking retarded.

Today because of everything I just kind of hung out I figured if I stuck around and did nothing maybe I'd feel a little better, but I got sick of that and went to visit my grandma who just started chemo, and just had surgery for the cancer last week. Then I met up with Robyn for lunch and came home and played scategories with Leif, Amanda, and Justine.

I'm beginning to wish I was just out and about at the bars. I just don't think it's a good idea yet though = /.

Oh and I've spent a lot of time stairing at lines of paper because of my art class and it's rediculous how much it's actually helping my art skills...Weird right?

Thats my bitching for the evening. Time to stair at curve lines to express motion in art!