Today was a long and tiring day I wasn't a fan by any means too many thoughts running through my mind.
Me and Molly had an amazing talk tonight and it made me feel so much better. I truly do love that girl so much and even when I'm a whiny little bitch and make big deals out of things I'm so thankful she puts up with my bullshit and will hear me out and talk things out with me.
Now time for a movie and some slumbers....
P.S. So excited that Jesse is moving back It's gonna be good! hahaha
I'm Out bitches!!!!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
Act 5, Scene 2
Somedays are better than others.
Some Feelings are better than the rest.
Sometimes we'll find what fits best in our life, sometimes we'll search and never find anything.
For once in my life I feel like I've actually prioritized things quite well.
People probably hate the amount of time I spend with that special someone but if anything I feel like it's helping me to become a better person.
I'm not filling my head with all the meaningless bullshit by listening to you dramatically describe how shitty your life is.
I'm not drinking myself stupid.
I'm not smoking as much.
I'm getting shit done.
Molly gives me that death stare when I say I'm not gonna do something that I know I need to do. And Fuck I'll admit I'm whipped and I do what she tells me........most of the time HA!!!
And for the first time in a long time. I feel whole. I feel complete.
My next step is to figure out how to dedicate myself to going to school full time so I can get my degree so I can move forward in my life and start my career in a town other than Eugene.
It's time to make life happen.
Grow up kid just grow up...................................Not as easy as it sounds!
On A side note it kills me to see someone so close to me hurting so much and there's absolutely nothing I can do besides just be there for her. It's hard to be a foundation in place for someone else. It'll never be there same and it's a big shoe to fill. Hopefully all will work out and I will do my best to be everything she needs and more.
Some Feelings are better than the rest.
Sometimes we'll find what fits best in our life, sometimes we'll search and never find anything.
For once in my life I feel like I've actually prioritized things quite well.
People probably hate the amount of time I spend with that special someone but if anything I feel like it's helping me to become a better person.
I'm not filling my head with all the meaningless bullshit by listening to you dramatically describe how shitty your life is.
I'm not drinking myself stupid.
I'm not smoking as much.
I'm getting shit done.
Molly gives me that death stare when I say I'm not gonna do something that I know I need to do. And Fuck I'll admit I'm whipped and I do what she tells me........most of the time HA!!!
And for the first time in a long time. I feel whole. I feel complete.
My next step is to figure out how to dedicate myself to going to school full time so I can get my degree so I can move forward in my life and start my career in a town other than Eugene.
It's time to make life happen.
Grow up kid just grow up...................................Not as easy as it sounds!
On A side note it kills me to see someone so close to me hurting so much and there's absolutely nothing I can do besides just be there for her. It's hard to be a foundation in place for someone else. It'll never be there same and it's a big shoe to fill. Hopefully all will work out and I will do my best to be everything she needs and more.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Act 5, Scene 1
It's been awhile since I've posted so I just thought I'd share a little bit of new shit in my life.
First off my Beautiful Box The scion XB was reposessed. Basically I couldn't afford it and for now I say good riddance but someday in the future whether it be 10 years or 30 years I will own another one. Such a practical vehicle for everything I do in my life.
I did get a new car, not amazing but it runs and its cheap as hell. It's a 1998 Chevy Cavalier my grandparents loaned me the money and are helping me get back on my feet. It was only $1250 and insurance is only $84 for 6 months which will make my life so much easier.
Sadly I'm debating on bankruptcy. I know it will make my life hell for 7 years but I've bitten off more than I can chew and this car being taken away may put me in an even worse situation depending on how much they auction the car for. I could end up paying over $10,000 for a car that I don't even own. But i'm waiting till the car is sold then setting up a consultation and weighing out every option before i make that step.
But anywho.....
My Grandmothers Cancer is gone!!!!! Thankfully the old hag will be around for a few more good years. Now if the rest of my family would grow the fuck up and let her live those years for herself and leave her and my grandpa alone that would be great..."Kthanx" LOLZ!!!
Me and Molly are still together and couldn't be happier. She changed for the better and is such an amazing person. I honestly love her with everything in my heart. She supports me and has helped me in saving money and helped me learn so much about myself and supports my passions and won't let me sit back and watch things but encourages me to be the person I want to be and has no intention of changing me in anyway. I appreciate her so much.
I've been seeking out schools in different states to go to. I think in the next couple of years I need to get out of Eugene. If I don't I will continue down this path that will never lead me to where I need to be. I've been considering San Francisco because of the art culture they have down there. but i've also been looking into art schools all around the country. It's still undecided where I go and will take a lot of saving up and planning.
It's time to step up and make life happen. I gotta quit scratching my balls and sayin i'll do it tomorrow. Life only last so long and who knows when mine will end. Sad but true.
Thats about it but.....
A little something I wrote up after some drama occured
There was a time...
When Friendship, was filled with truth, respect, honesty, and love.
It was something that represented that much like family. You cared and were there when times got hard and realized that you had an affect on someone elses life.
Times get hard, life happens, and people lose sight of the fact that we all have an impact on everyone around us.
The world has lost sight of the true meaning of friends and family.
There was a time,
When you loved the ones around you unconditionally. Unfortunately now there are people that we can't even stand to be around.
Because of,
-Disrespect
-Distrust
-Dishonesty
-Lack of judgement
-Selfishness
We find ourselves in a place where we just don't want to care about anyone anymore. We push everyone out of our lives and we become cold heartless bitter souls in a sea of self pity.
Friend:
a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
Someone once told me that "Friends never stick around, so they're disposable."
I don't want to believe this but for the first time I realize that there are certain friends that don't stick around. They're friends that weren't friends at all.
I've never been an amazing friend to anyone but I try my hardest too be the best friend I can to many people. Everyday people scream my name from moving cars or while walking down the street when they see me driving. I can't go anywhere without running into somebody I know or somebody who has heard about me. They call and text me as well as contact me through other mediums. I may not show much appreciation but realize that it doesn't go unnoticed. I've never understood why I've been so liked by so many people. Today I realized what it was. I CARE! Most people could care less. Even if I don't care out of respect in the means of human nature I will listen. I will try my hardest to help you the best I can whether I want to or not. It's who I am I've always been out to take care of the ones around me. I may not be the best at it but I try.
Keep in mind I'm nowhere near perfect or a saint. I'm just as bad as some people when it comes to some things involving friendship and family.
I write about this because tonight I realized I have some absolutely fucking amazing people in my life.
I have an amazing girlfriend that supports and puts up with me every day and still continues to amaze me every day.
I have amazing friends that today showed me why I love them so much. Drama will sometimes bring people close. Sometimes assumptions will put us in a horrible place. Sometimes listening and being honest will help you out. Give it a try sometime.
Today I lost a few friends in the process. Unfortunately they won't miss my presence. I tried. Sometimes we fail just to get back up again but you can only get back up so many times before you realize that you weren't meant to stand so you finally realize its time to just give up. But it's ok to give up. Failing without trying is when success will never be present. As long as you try success is in the eye of the beholder.
I feel I succeeded at finding something amazing in the remaining friends I have. Thank you for everything you did in the past couple days guys it means a lot more to me then you will ever know.
To those I lost, may you have a good life it was fun while it lasted but apparently we're better off without each other.
-Justin Lee Murray
First off my Beautiful Box The scion XB was reposessed. Basically I couldn't afford it and for now I say good riddance but someday in the future whether it be 10 years or 30 years I will own another one. Such a practical vehicle for everything I do in my life.
I did get a new car, not amazing but it runs and its cheap as hell. It's a 1998 Chevy Cavalier my grandparents loaned me the money and are helping me get back on my feet. It was only $1250 and insurance is only $84 for 6 months which will make my life so much easier.
Sadly I'm debating on bankruptcy. I know it will make my life hell for 7 years but I've bitten off more than I can chew and this car being taken away may put me in an even worse situation depending on how much they auction the car for. I could end up paying over $10,000 for a car that I don't even own. But i'm waiting till the car is sold then setting up a consultation and weighing out every option before i make that step.
But anywho.....
My Grandmothers Cancer is gone!!!!! Thankfully the old hag will be around for a few more good years. Now if the rest of my family would grow the fuck up and let her live those years for herself and leave her and my grandpa alone that would be great..."Kthanx" LOLZ!!!
Me and Molly are still together and couldn't be happier. She changed for the better and is such an amazing person. I honestly love her with everything in my heart. She supports me and has helped me in saving money and helped me learn so much about myself and supports my passions and won't let me sit back and watch things but encourages me to be the person I want to be and has no intention of changing me in anyway. I appreciate her so much.
I've been seeking out schools in different states to go to. I think in the next couple of years I need to get out of Eugene. If I don't I will continue down this path that will never lead me to where I need to be. I've been considering San Francisco because of the art culture they have down there. but i've also been looking into art schools all around the country. It's still undecided where I go and will take a lot of saving up and planning.
It's time to step up and make life happen. I gotta quit scratching my balls and sayin i'll do it tomorrow. Life only last so long and who knows when mine will end. Sad but true.
Thats about it but.....
A little something I wrote up after some drama occured
There was a time...
When Friendship, was filled with truth, respect, honesty, and love.
It was something that represented that much like family. You cared and were there when times got hard and realized that you had an affect on someone elses life.
Times get hard, life happens, and people lose sight of the fact that we all have an impact on everyone around us.
The world has lost sight of the true meaning of friends and family.
There was a time,
When you loved the ones around you unconditionally
Because of,
-Disrespect
-Distrust
-Dishonesty
-Lack of judgement
-Selfishness
We find ourselves in a place where we just don't want to care about anyone anymore. We push everyone out of our lives and we become cold heartless bitter souls in a sea of self pity.
Friend:
a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
Someone once told me that "Friends never stick around, so they're disposable."
I don't want to believe this but for the first time I realize that there are certain friends that don't stick around. They're friends that weren't friends at all.
I've never been an amazing friend to anyone but I try my hardest too be the best friend I can to many people. Everyday people scream my name from moving cars or while walking down the street when they see me driving. I can't go anywhere without running into somebody I know or somebody who has heard about me. They call and text me as well as contact me through other mediums. I may not show much appreciation but realize that it doesn't go unnoticed. I've never understood why I've been so liked by so many people. Today I realized what it was. I CARE! Most people could care less. Even if I don't care out of respect in the means of human nature I will listen. I will try my hardest to help you the best I can whether I want to or not. It's who I am I've always been out to take care of the ones around me. I may not be the best at it but I try.
Keep in mind I'm nowhere near perfect or a saint. I'm just as bad as some people when it comes to some things involving friendship and family.
I write about this because tonight I realized I have some absolutely fucking amazing people in my life.
I have an amazing girlfriend that supports and puts up with me every day and still continues to amaze me every day.
I have amazing friends that today showed me why I love them so much. Drama will sometimes bring people close. Sometimes assumptions will put us in a horrible place. Sometimes listening and being honest will help you out. Give it a try sometime.
Today I lost a few friends in the process. Unfortunately they won't miss my presence. I tried. Sometimes we fail just to get back up again but you can only get back up so many times before you realize that you weren't meant to stand so you finally realize its time to just give up. But it's ok to give up. Failing without trying is when success will never be present. As long as you try success is in the eye of the beholder.
I feel I succeeded at finding something amazing in the remaining friends I have. Thank you for everything you did in the past couple days guys it means a lot more to me then you will ever know.
To those I lost, may you have a good life it was fun while it lasted but apparently we're better off without each other.
-Justin Lee Murray
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