I don't feel,
I don't care,
I have no motivation,
I feel worthless,
I wanna run,
I'm a coward,
I'm a fake,
I still don't care,
I'm a waste
Fuck everything, it's all just pointless anymore I'm not giving up I'll never give up but this is what i feel like, I'm a lost little boy who has no fucking idea what he's doing anymore.
It's been 4 years since my last suicidal thought and suddenly they start coming back, I don't even wanna die. But I'm slowly learning that things come and go nothings ever permanent, People, material items, feelings, thoughts, cares, motives, morals.
I've become everything I never wanted to be. I worked so hard to love myself and then flushed it down the drain. I fucking hate who I am, who I've become and what I stand for.
I don't know why people care about me, I'm a complete asshole.
If I could I would hop on the first plane out of here and move away as far as I could.
But somethings always holding me back...
Please don't respond to this just leave it be.......
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i have suicidal thoughts almost every day. most people think thats not normal. i dont know what it is. but sometimes it gets sad, and sometimes its just funnny. like driving on the highway and just thinking about jerking the wheel. i laugh at myself. idk, im just sayin.
ReplyDeletewow. you just described exactly how i've been feeling. literally every piece of that resonates. i used to have such a strong sense of self and now i just have no idea anymore. i'm just glad i do still have people who care. they keep me going when i feel nothing. anyways, i love you and hopefully we can both get past this... i'm surely fucking ready to move on.
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