Act 2, Scene 2

I don't feel,
I don't care,
I have no motivation,
I feel worthless,
I wanna run,
I'm a coward,
I'm a fake,
I still don't care,
I'm a waste

Fuck everything, it's all just pointless anymore I'm not giving up I'll never give up but this is what i feel like, I'm a lost little boy who has no fucking idea what he's doing anymore.

It's been 4 years since my last suicidal thought and suddenly they start coming back, I don't even wanna die. But I'm slowly learning that things come and go nothings ever permanent, People, material items, feelings, thoughts, cares, motives, morals.

I've become everything I never wanted to be. I worked so hard to love myself and then flushed it down the drain. I fucking hate who I am, who I've become and what I stand for.

I don't know why people care about me, I'm a complete asshole.

If I could I would hop on the first plane out of here and move away as far as I could.

But somethings always holding me back...

Please don't respond to this just leave it be.......

Act 2, Scene 1

Re-analyzing everything. A new Month, a new beginning, still stuck in the same rut but slowly working on pulling myself out.

I've come to the realization that I'm doing nothing with my life. I turn 23 next month and I don't feel I've accomplished anything. I keep hearing about different people doing so much with their lives and maybe I just don't care but I feel stuck and empty.

I'm on my way to failing in school and fucking that all up but I refuse to give up. I'm going to make it happen.

I've started drinking again but made sure to go out on nights when I don't work the next day. I'm working on my financial status.

I'm also working on getting new gear for my new band which I'll be playing bass in we've got a month to write a full set. This should be good *Laughs*

I've also about lost my mind with women it's killing me I can't take the bullshit and fucking around anymore. I need stability. I hate to rely on a girl to make me happy, but I keep thinking about it and when I have someone I'm less likely to go out to the bars, I'm less likely to do stupid shit. I don't waste my money and I feel more motivated and I feel like a better person. Call me what you will I'll admit it, I'm a bitch and I desire to be with someone....

HOWEVER...I do not desire to be with someone who is needy, unintelligent, has no morals, has no determination, no motivation, and above all else no compassion.

Fuck my life. *Laughs*

It's all I find. Anyways bed time work in the morning I'll try to update a little better soon.